27 September 2010

The ugly duckling...

I am writting this post with a very heavy heart today. I vowed to write this blog when things come up to show anyone out there who might be reading the good and bad of being/becoming a natural headed sista. The story behing this post is as follows. 

Mr Mac has been trying to get a new job for over a year and during that time filled out countless applications. A few weeks ago he got the job offer of his dreams and he arranged to take me out on a "date" to say thanks for helping with the forms, suit, interview techniques etc. so we booked the grandparents to keep DD1 and DD2 overnight on Saturday whilst I would be dined and wined. We booked a fabolous italian resturaunt which we vowed to go back to and I got my frock 3 weeks ago with acessories for the occassions. Throughout the week I had been becoming even more concious of my hair and stares but battled with the mirror to achieve a simple freestyle with headband, put on my face, earrings, necklace and frock. With Mr Mac on my arm, I felt on top of the world! So...

Off we go to drop off the kids and my mother turns to me and says "I don't like your hair, it looks horrible, it makes you look ugly, you look like dem rasta" at which point DD1 chirped in to try and save the day "nanny that is not very nice, mummy looks pretty" to which my mother replies "well I dont like it, it looks horrible!"

So after some cuffling with my frock I tried to fight back the tears but gave in when Mr Mac asked me what was wrong. My dad got involved  and I broke down right there in the house. It turned into a big family debate about my mother hating dreadlocks (two of my brothers were rastafarian and she disowned them) and how she will never comment on my hair again. I dried my tears and we went to the car and I just broke down.

Needless to say my night was ruined, my self esteem is in tatters and I just feel, wel...ugly. I tried so hard to look nice for myself and Mr Mac and the evening was planned 4 weeks ahead. Mr Mac says maybe if they were longer she would be more accepting and I have thought about extending them, I have thought about maybe just being natural. I dunno, just blah! I know I shouldn't take on board what my mum sais, but it hurts so much. I never locked my hair to be an advocate or black educator, I just simply wanted to be me, but it seems that being "me" will cause major problems in my own family.

On another note, I had my hair retightened yesterday after a wash. I'm sure you'll understand my picture less post right now. Just thought I would put this post up for anyone that might stop by and read. x

16 September 2010

S.O.S Fellow lockers?!

OK, so this is not the lick! I am in desperate need of help on this one. My fellow lockers, I have only been locked for 2 1/2 weeks now. My consultant advised me to wait a while until my first retight in another 2 weeks so I haven't washed. All I have done is spray my hair lightly with water, finger comb (no styling!) and tie my head at night with a scarf. Low and behold I have noticed for a few days now that when i do "run my fingers through my hair" that I am able to find at least 5 of them that are trying to do naughty things to the lock next to it! I know that you are supposed to seperate after washing, but as I have not yet washed I am really panicking about this cause I have to have MrMac up in my head helping me seperate them and my scalp is now on fire. What am I doing wrong? I dont know how much more I can take of finding these locks trying to join each other, the pain is just too much...is there anybody with any advice? ideas?

On another note I had DD1 count my locks yesterday 519 locks!! we weer only going for around 370, heck she had a chart and even planned how much would go where! how on earth did i end up with so many, great, now I am scared to death about washing and now about when it comes to retight. Me and MrMac are supposed to be going on a hot date (like the old days) next weekend and all the above coupled with my lacking styling skills...oh i dunno..guess it's safe to say I am not feeling too fly right now!...rant over I guess

04 September 2010

Whatcha lookin at??

So It's been a week tomorrow of my install and this week has been interesting indeed... I went from not wanting to go out due to a lack of confidence to "Ima do what I want" type attitude!

One thing that I half expected but not to the level that I have been receiving is the stares that make me wanna say WHATCHA LOOKIN AT?? I know people must be curious about what is going on up in my head but being the shy person I am, it really makes me feel uncomfortable. According to my daughter she states "dont worry what they say mummy, cause you can tell them there are a lot of horses walking around without tails right now, and one day your hair will be longer than their weaves!" lol bless her! It does however make me feel a little more self concious about how i present myself and this coupled with the fact that I heard some sniggering as I walked past a group of young girls the other day doesn't help. Other than that, I have been getting compliments from my nearest and dearest and words of encouragement so am staying focussed.

Before I sign off here are some pics as of today, day 6. Notice how it looks kinda different already? Oh and I had serious ends that were not locked into a pattern, nearly an inch or more on some, so I started to twist the unlocked portion of the wild ones! probably not advisable but i like it much better lol